Alternatives to a veil

Whilst a veil may be traditional they are certainly not compulsory. It all depends on the style of your dress and how formal/informal your wedding is.

Just because you dont go for a veil, doesn’t mean you need to miss out on headgear all together though. There are some great alternative (and budget!) options

Dahlia fashion in london have some gorgeous vintage headbands that would set off an informal boho/retro dress beautifully

gorgeous headbands from http://www.dahliafashion.co.uk

Or, for a more informal trendy wedding, why not try a birdcage veil, like these from Lily Bella (starting at a very reasonable £14.99)

gorgeously stylish- from http://www.lilybella.co.uk

Personally, my dress had enough detail, so I just went for a combination of flowers

Sometimes a few flowers or a clip is just right

To love cherish and… …submit?

 

I don’t know for sure, but I’m guessing there were a few raised eyebrows behind me when I said the word ‘submit’ in my wedding vows.

Ideas of obedience and submission can have ugly connotations in the western world. Even within the wider church of England, the word ‘obey’ was made optional in the vows because it was feared that it could be used by unscrupulous husbands to justify domestic abuse. The recent royal wedding left it out.

So, why would I promise to love, cherish and submit to Michael?

Well first off, you need to put that submission into context. My actual vow was to submit “As the church submits to Christ”. Michael in turn had just vowed to love me “As Christ loves the church“.

So what does that mean?

Well, personally I think that Michael has the tougher calling: Christ loved the church so much that he gave up his life. “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:3)

In Christian marriage, a man is called to love his wife “like his own body” and to ultimately be willing to lay himself down for her. It’s a reflection of the sacrificial love that God has for his people.

Christ is head of the church, but his headship is a serving one. He washed his disciples feet and he made the ultimate sacrifice on the cross. He is not tyrannical or manipulative. Despite having all authority he humbled himself to the point of death, and is loving, serving, merciful and gentle.

This is the Lord Michael and I both follow, and Michael is called to follow him in the servant leadership of our family.

In response to the love of Christ,every Christian (all together “the church”) has made an individual decision to call him ‘Lord’ and to submit to that servant king who first loved us, and who laid down his life that we might live. As I promised to submit to Michael- it was a picture of that relationship between God and his people. Him loving us unto death and us responding to that love by following him.

There is a big misconception that submission must mean that somehow the wife is less valuable or equal. Jesus is God, equally God with the Father and the Spirit. Christ though, submitted to the authority of his Father. The night before he died, he did pray that he might not have to go through the pain of the cross- but then submitted himself to the Father’s will- “Not my will, but yours”. Does this make him less worthy? Not at all. He is still God.

As such, whilst Michael is called to follow Christ’s servant leadership, I am called to follow Christ’s example of submission. We are equal, but with slightly differing roles- both of which follow Jesus’ example.

I guess the one thing I would say at this point is that you can only promise to submit if you know that your husband is taking his vow to love you like Christ loves the church seriously. Sure- we are human so he is not going to be perfect in his attempts to be Christ-like, but unless you are sure that he will try and put your needs first and love and cherish and serve you- then a life of ‘submission’ would be very one sided- and not at all the reflection of God’s love that it was intended.

In reality, in a world full of ‘self’ and ‘my needs’ and ‘me me me’ the Christian wedding vows should result in two people both putting the other’s needs before themselves: Serving one another and looking after one another. “You” should become more important than “I”.

I now pronounce you

Man and wife!

Man and wife!!

So, the lack of blogging over the last few weeks has been because on 16th April myself and My lovely man finally said ‘I will’ infront of our friends and family and before God.

We’ve been chilling out (Everyone had said we’d need a break after the stress of organising the wedding, but I didn’t realise HOW tired we’d be, so the last two weeks R&R were so appreciated) and remembering the wonderful colourful joyful occassion that was our wedding.

There’s so much to tell- and lots of things that I couldn’t blog about before, because they were a surprise, so now I’ll be continue the blog with snippets, reviews, photos and and some further top tips.

Not got our official pics yet, but when we do, I’ll post pics of the dresses/flowers so that you  can see how the plans all turned out.

The day was truly amazing- and I’ll tell you more about that in due course but I still maintain that the marriage is the most exciting (and important) bit.

Right now, I’m sitting in my new house, the bank holiday sunshine is streaming in through the window, and my new husband just brought me breakfast in bed. We’ve spent the last few days making our home, and enjoying living together for the first time. We have had the odd disagreement, and our car just broke down for the 4th time in the space of a few weeks (I wouldn’t want to paint an unrealistic picture of wedded bliss), but we’ve grown together even in the last few weeks and I cant really describe how right and natural it feels to be his wife.

The glamour/fun and excitement of the wedding is a great memory, but the reality of travelling through life with my best friend by my side is starting to sink in- and I’m so so so excited (and overjoyed) about that journey!

Wedding prep and marriage prep

 

For the last month, my hubby to be and I have been attending a ‘marriage preparation’ course. Preparing for the marriage, is in my view much more important than preparing for the day- since the day is over in 24 hours, whereas the marriage is for a lifetime.

We’re attending the one run by our church, St Helen’s, but faith aside, many now believe that doing marriage courses really help set the right foundations and protect your future marriage from the outset.  Mostly, I think because any course worth its weight will address the expectations that both sides have before tying the knot.

We did a hugely detailed ‘expectations survey’ before starting our marriage prep, and whilst it was good chance to talk through some big issues (money/ children/ sex etc) we had already discussed most of it in the course of our relationship. However, such discussions are essential- in her book ” The art of Marriage” Catherine Blyth notes that many modern couples today have not properly discussed such big things as children and finances before they walk down the aisle! Crazy- if you ask me!

The main thing I will take away from our course though, is that when you get married, you are marrying a wonderful, but imperfect person, and that you yourself are not perfect either. To put it bluntly- we are both two sinners, who are trying to forge a life together.  As such, the pattern of repentance, forgiveness and reconciliation (that incidently is at the heart of the christian faith) is essential for anyone wanting a lasting marriage. That, and the remembering of the vows that glue us together more than even love itself.

“I made a mistake” “I was wrong” “I’m sorry” “I forgive you” “I love you” are some of the most essential words in any relationship- especially marriage, and I suspect we will be saying them many times over the coming years.

The ring that means the most

What could mean more?

Its the moment many ladies dream of- when in a suitably romantic location (under a streetlamp in my case) the man of your dreams drops to one knee, tells you he loves you with all his heart and produces a sparkly ring- hoping that you will agree to spend the rest of your life with him.

In my case, the girl said  ‘yes’ the ring went on the finger and from that moment on, I had a visable reminder of that agreement and that in just a few months time, I will be fully promising to be a wife- til death do us part.

On the tube, at work, out shopping, the sparkles remind me of my man, of the blessing of our relationship and  of the promises to wed that we have made. That’s the beauty of a ring-unlike necklaces or earrings which are more of an outward adornment, you catch sight of it yourself all the time- and it becomes not just jewellry, but an inward reminder too.

In a month’s time, I’ll be adding a  second ring to that finger- a sign to myself and the world of the even bigger promises I’ll make on my wedding day. The vows we take before God during the ceremony are serious- and, as was mentioned at a recent marriage prep session we went to, will glue us together. I’m in the process of learning those vows- not so that I can recite them on the day, but rather so I can remember them throughout my marriage.  The ring on my finger will symbolise both my love for my husband, and the promises that we have made, and be a constant reminder of those as I walk through life.

My diamond and platinum engagement ring is easily worth 5 times the amount of my wedding ring, but its the wedding ring that will ultimately be more valuable to me- because what it symoblises is a greater promise, of greater worth.

All very well and good- but would it shock you to know that on  my other ring finger I wear a ring that will always be even more valuable to me than either my wedding or engagement rings?

What could be more valuable than promising a lifetime to another?

I bought the other ‘mystery’ ring myself, in a secondhand jewellers in Fulham a few years ago, it has a tiny point diamond in, and it set me back the grand total of £28.

The reason I bought it, was that I had been totally struck by how the promises of God to us far outway any human promise or relationship. I had gone through a tough time, and I had been drawn to meditating and studying on the amazing promises of God in the bible. They are numerous, but include:

To love us,

To never leave or forsake us

To make all things work for the good of those who love him

To prepare a place for us in heaven

To call us children, and as such we can call him Father

To, through Christ, remove our sins from us- as far as the East is from the west.

I memorised some of these promises and used the symbolism of the ring to help remind me of the deep commitment and love of my creator.

Indeed, God’s promises to his people are described as a covenant- the most unbreakable and serious of promises. And, unlike marriage- these are eternal rather than just lifelong.

So thats why this ring is more valuable. whilst one sparkly finger reminds me of a wonderful man who has won me for a lifetime, the smaller, humbler ring reminds me of a passionate loving father, who has, through his son, won me for eternity.

colour and florestry fun

Having discovered the wonders of wooden roses, I decided to go the whole hog and order a load of blue,yellow and red stems, that I’m weaving into garlands to decorate the church and hall. its proven really easy to make the garlands, and hopefully will be just as easy to fix them around the place- so I’m giong to order more!

at around £15 for 100 from ebay they are a much cheaper option than fresh, and the almost cartoony look they have fits wonderfully with our fun ‘circus’ theme. Granted, if you were planning a soft country wedding in lilacs and blues, it wouldn’t work- but it works brilliantly for us!

Only a month til the big day now- wow, time has really flown!

Dressily update

Super service from the sewing rooms, Putney

So, I mentioned in a previous post that I bought my dress online. I got it from www.weddingdressonlineshop.co.uk and was aware when I ordered that I might need to get alterations done- what with ordering from a distance it was a bit of a gamble.

It cost £230 including shipping and although its not quite the same as the picture it’s pretty good!  I’m having it customised by a wonderful local seamstress, called Ling, who works from the sewing rooms in Putney. The dress fits, but was too long and I wasn’t too keen about the way the bodice and skirt joined, so Ling is doing some magical wizardry to sort that out for me- which will also add a unique, bespoke-ness to the dress.

I have to say, the service at the sewing rooms has been second to none- they’re helpful, informative, friendly, and Ling has been doing a gorgeous job.  I am also so blessed that they are literally walking distance from my current flat, so getting to fittings is really easy.

Obviously cant say much more about the dress, since my hubby to be reads this blog, but suffice to say, I’m looking forward to the next fitting!! (and ultimately, wearing it down the aisle!)

 

 

Picture perfect

At first, we wondered about the expense of a photographer- because we have some talented photographer friends who were happy to help out. BUT we wanted them to enjoy the day too- so we asked around and another photographer friend of mine, recommended the wonderful Jonathan Self.

Jonathan has a real knack to capturing joy and fun in his pictures, and we loved his informal style. He also agreed a cut price deal with us, as he’s just covering the middle part of the day (our friends will snap the before wedding and boat party shots).

We have our second meeting with him in a few weeks, and he’s just been wonderful about asking what shots we want. Apart from anything else though, he is a really really nice guy- A committed Christian, Jonathan prays for his clients weddings as well as snapping them! Awesome!

Dressily budgety

Its a gamble, but I got my dress online. After taking careful measurements, I bit the bullet and went for it. At £23o (including shipping) I knew I’d have room for alterations in the budget if it wasn’t quite right. Will it pay off? Only time will tell…

A random dress (not THE ONE) that I quite like

Sailing solutions

After tearing our hair out trying to find the perfect venue, we came up with a perfect solution. At prices ranging from £1500 (so coming in at considerably cheaper than the local halls), you can hire thames cruise boats for an evening! We checked out a number of companies but finally went with the golden flame through ‘Capital Shipping’. With enclosed decks plus outdoor space, and a bar and dancefloor, it had everything we were looking for. It was even reasonable enough that we could hire the church hall for our food/ speeches, and then move on to the boat for the dancing later on in the evening! Wonderful!

(We also had a HUGE amount of fun ‘boat viewing’ and being chugged out to see various boats moored on the Thames- way better than hotel function room viewing any day!!)